Tuesday, May 15, 2007
No matter where you are...
It's taken me a long time to feel like I can truly write again. I tend to get the feeling that I've suppressed all of the lovely beautiful creative things and the dark painful things so deeply inside that my inspiration is trapped.
But lately, perhaps because I've been relaxed, perhaps because I've been tearing myself apart, perhaps because I've reached another crossroads, I seem to have dug up some of those feelings. And while they are indeed signs of a dark and stormy time within me, I don't think that they are exactly bad.
This time of year, the long stretch between March and May, has always been the worst time of year for me. Partly due to school stress and partly due to the forces of the universe being so parallel to me, I always seem to find myself lost and confused around now. This year has been no exception, with the last two months being a very long and looping rollercoaster.
Even when thing seem to be fine, I still end up bursting into tears far too often. The cause of so many of my emotional stumbles? My attempts to find the ever mysterious state of being "grown up". Going through the motions can't change how I am inside, can it? Because I still feel nowhere near mature.
And at the end of the day, at least today I can say that it's alright. I still have time left to be a kid, and there is nothing wrong with that.
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