Recent Event?

 Tuesday, May 14, 2002
gather round little ones, it's story time.....


The demons
how they scream into my mind....
it hurts, why can’t they leave me alone
everyday i wake up knowing it’s going to be
another day where i fail completely
that i can’t do anything right,
that i’m just a pile of shit,
on this perfect lawn.

the tears,
how they pour down in my mind,
behind the masks,
not daring to be seen by the world,
pretending,
a puppet of
them
the voices that scream out at me....

the joker, the jester
the one who is control of her life
if only they knew how much was broken inside of me,
how everything is falling apart
i know i won’t live long....
who could live under this?
the people haunt me in my dreams
i only wish that i could scream out someday.

the blood that flows from the cuts
the perfectly straight lines,
made by my own hands....
adding to the lies that i tell to everyone,
and myself

i must save myself,
i’ve tried to die three times now,
but i must live
not for myself, for the others around me
i will live for them,
but i won’t let them see
they must think that i’m fine,
that nothing is ever wrong
and when i save myself,
they won’t know, they will never know
i will be strong for them all.


i wrote that....9 months ago....sometimes, i even amaze myself with how much i've improved....(i'll post something with better content later on tonight, i promise....just right now i was reflecting on the past....but i should go back to studing for finals...wish me luck!)







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