Recent Event?
Tuesday, April 02, 2002
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dammit...what the fuck is wrong with me.....why can't i make leaf happy....i try so hard, i do what she wants from me and still she says that something is wrong...i hate it i hate it i hate it....but i can't say anything about how i feel or i'll hurt her, and i can't hold it in, so when i'm home alone i end up screaming and throwing ice cubes at the shower wall and i know it's not good for me to take care of how i feel like that, but dammit....what more should i do to make her happy....i don't think dolphin will ever be completely happy with me, but i think i've given up on making him happy awhile ago...i tried so hard, i kept everything under control, i was their perfect little girl, i was everything that they wanted and i had to go and fuck it up...i tried my best, i really did....but they always said that everyone is human on the inside and that i could be whatever i wanted to be when i grew up, but the one time i try to be different, the one time i try to dress in something i'm comfy in, they say that that is a bad thing to be, that being a little more morbid and a little darker than everyone else is wrong....so i try and be their perfect little girl for awhile but it hurts me so damn bad....and then they found out about my si behavior....and all the other shit that was going on at school that makes me want to keep up my mask....goddess knows if i could let go of that damn security blanket that my mask acts as i would be so much more me i guess....be able to say and act how i really want to act...but not now, not here, not while some of my peers are still so young inside....but someday, i'll be ok, right...? i won't have to act perfect forever....
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mail me?Will
Hotaru
Coff
Ashton
Pearl
Star
Terra
Alli-poo!
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